A Way With Words (or Lack Thereof)

I really wish I was a better writer than I am.
I'm not saying this to invoke sympathy or reassurance, but I'm simply acknowledging the fact that I cannot write as well as I would like.
And I think it's partially my fault.
I really should practice more so that when I actually do have something significant to share with the world, I'll actually be able to wield the words I want to use.
Part of the problem is feeling a bit overwhelmed by the vast storehouse of literature already available and I wonder about the importance of my own contribution.
However, this thought has been faced and dealt with by authors and English majors since those 'titles' came into play.
I'm not a great poet, my essays lack spirit, and I've only written a couple stories, and having studied some literature, I have become very aware of the ginormous amounts of writing that is simply shifted aside to make way for the 'greats' (predominantly Western, well-educated men).
Not that I've minded reading those books, but so much stuff is accidentally ignored and forgotten, that I sometimes wonder about the importance of my personal contribution.
I suppose I should practice and write things regardless of who will or will not read it.
And it is somewhat arrogant of me to assume that something I write could impact someone else and be remembered forever (pretty sure I'm not the next Shakespeare).
But isn't that what books and stories are for?
To impact and change the way people think?
To bring light into dark places?
Maybe my stories could do that, maybe no one will ever read them but me and my computer, but I guess my excuses are somewhat lame and I should keep writing simply because it is important and good practice.

Timing

Have you ever noticed in movies and TV shows how 'perfect' all the timing is?

The guy and girl at the bus station 'happen' to turn and notice each other right at the perfect moment. The selfish, egotistical jerk realizes and corrects the error of his ways right before he goes in to make a sales pitch that will destroy a priceless community. The cute waitress drops a cup of coffee on the head of the guy she will end up marrying. The dad shows up at the baseball game right before his son goes up to bat. The teenage girl forgives her mom right before the Christmas tree lighting. All is scripted to come off at just the right moment, and everyone knows its coming so no one misses their cue.

Real life is a lot more complicated.

Now, I know that this is not a big revelation, but I seem to keep needing to be reminded of it over and over again. I have no control over the timing of events in my life regardless of how many times I keep looking for a script or cue cards to tell me when to have realizations, look a certain direction, or drop something.

Lately, I seem to be learning a lot about my lack of control in situations. I know that I have control over my actions, responses, feelings and such, but there are things in life that are so far out of my control its actually kind of funny. I have an interview on Wednesday, and while I'm responsible for getting everything done and having all my ducks in rows and such, it is out of my hands as to whether or not I get the job.

However, there is an amazing bit to all this lack of control stuff going on. I know the One who is in control. Regardless of how stressed I get about my life or how lonely I feel at certain moments, there is Someone who has written all the cue cards and has all the exits and entrances perfectly timed.

So, even though I have no idea what the next month and half will bring, what adventures will be embarked on, what classes I may take, what people I may meet, or what events may change my life, I'm excited to see the timing that God has worked out so that all things work together for good. I would like to rush things and find out if I'm moving somewhere in June, but I will find out exactly when I need to find out and it'll be great regardless.

Real life is not simple. The dialogue is not pre-written. Entrance and exit cues are not pre-arranged, or at least, I cannot see the exits and entrances. I have no idea what's coming because my script got lost in the mail or something, and you know what? That's ok. God is bigger than me, He knows what's coming, and I'm learning to trust His timing and His plan. He loves me, and He has a good plan that will be better than anything I could think, dream, hope, or imagine. So, I'll keep doing what He puts in front of me, and we'll see what happens.